Author: Liz Anoushka
You have either known someone who was stuck in a bad relationship because they were broke or personally felt trapped with the wrong ‘spouse’ because there was no financial escape. Whatever the case, it’s never wise nor safe being broke and at the mercy of someone else. Regardless of how much they love and care for you, financial insecurity strips you of the independence to make your own choices with confidence. Being broke means you have no options. You can accomodate a broke person only for so long before they start to feel like a burden or parasite and that’s enough to turn an angel into a monster.
Being the Broke One
It’s much easier to say ‘yes’ to a relationship when you are broke (at least for most people). You don’t have to be attracted to them in any way; if they have a little more money than you do then you hope they will share it with you and save you from total broke-ness. If they claim to be interested in you, your mind will trick you into thinking it’s their obligation to chip in and facilitate your lifestyle. It may seem reasonable for a while but it’s not in your best interests regardless of whether you’re dating, engaged or married.
You will find yourself glued to a toxic partner, abusive relationship or marriage, just because you lack the finances to break away and live the life you deserve alone or with someone new. It won’t be too long before insecurity, jealousy, fear, domestic violence, intimidation and manipulation knock at your door. A toxic partner will use your not-so-pretty financial position to get their way. They will threaten and possibly get physical because they know you wouldn’t dare leave them (your source of financial support).
Being broke can transform you into a dangerously possessive partner too. Your mind will be intoxicated with jealousy and insecurity each time you think that your significant other might end the relationship to be with someone else. At this point, all you know is that their money belongs to you and can’t stand the thought of someone else enjoying their generosity while you fall back into Broke-ness 101.
Dating the Broke One
You might be wealthy, and that’s alright. You might be the ’till death do us part’ kind of lover and that’s alright too. However, it’s great to be realistic and consider all possibilities. You might be committed and generous towards your partner but how do you think they will carry on in the unfortunate event that you become incapacitated due to illness or an accident, or untimely death, or sudden bankruptcy, anything?
When someone must come to you to ask for money each time they need something, it hurts their dignity and makes them feel like you’re in a superior place and they are ‘begging’. It also doesn’t take long before you feel inconvenienced and either one of you starts to develop resentment, self-pity, regret, or resort to stealing and other mischief possible. You start to feel as though the relationship was one-way and forget all the non-monetary beautiful things your significant other shares with you.
Should you come to think of a break up, you will normally have two options; either stay in the relationship and ‘use’ them because they are ‘convenient or desperate’ for what you have to “offer”, or leave very easily because you are convinced they have added nothing to you beside ‘taking and taking all the time’. So you end the relationship whenever it suits you because you feel it’s only fair to your ‘finances’.
When both of you are Broke
A relationship heavily depends on some form of financial expenditure on a regular basis. Two people committing to each other when both of you are struggling to support yourselves is suicide. If you wouldn’t commit to buying a horse just because you lack the finances to put a roof over your head and you understand that taking care of the horse would be one costly venture you honestly can’t afford, what then makes you think that committing to a relationship you obviously can’t afford is good for you?
There’s truth to the saying that “love don’t put food on the table”. It’s possible to confuse ‘desperation’ for ‘love’. When you are broke you tend to console yourself with the thought that “well, at least am not the only broke one… we are in the same situation and so we understand each other… it’s alright as long as we love each other for ‘what we are’… we can be broke together and fake it till we make it”. But just because you are both broke doesn’t mean that you should be together, how will you afford outings, gifts, dates, the lifestyle and family you wish to have? A relationship where basic life necessities seem beyond reach is not fun at all. That’s definitely not the kind of life nor love any of us dream of.
Delay jumping into a relationship until you can get back on your feet and support yourself without hoping someone else will be merciful enough to bail you out. You don’t need to be rich, just get to that place in your life where you can reasonably afford your lifestyle and the independence to make your own choices. Having your own finances will help you stay away from toxic partners and unhealthy relationships because deep down you know that you can survive (thrive) alone. It will keep you from the mistake of committing to a relationship out of desperation (financial insecurity) or risking (staying in) an unhealthy engagement or marriage because you feel trapped.
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