Relationships end for all sorts of reasons but some leave us confused, thinking we did everything right and wondering what it was that made the other person walk away. It’s easy to come up with all kinds of theories once we find out they moved on ‘so’ soon or claim they had been cheating on us and left us for that other person. It’s difficult to sit back and think that maybe we were to blame.
While conversation is great, many of us are extremely uncomfortable talking about certain personal issues with our SOs. We worry they will feel judged, unappreciated, it will hurt their pride, and they will accuse us of belittling and shaming them instead of embracing the feedback and working on themselves. So we take the easier route, “come up with some other random excuse or just ghost them or break up anyway without giving a reason why”. We tend to hope that maybe someday they will figure it out somehow or that someone else will be bolder than we were and talk to them about what we never could.
So, if you’ve had to deal with a mysterious breakup, then one of these might have been an uncomfortable reality your ex (or soon-to-be-ex) needed a solution to but wasn’t courageous enough to say to your face.
Being a couple means you’re often physically closer to your SO than you’re to other people. With such closeness you can easily pick up on their body odour, and other poor hygiene giveaways. Perhaps they are naturally messy but you can put up with this only for so long before craving some neatness, cleanliness, freshness.
Everyone has their preferences and each couple is different, however, just because you’re sexually active doesn’t mean your SO is being pleasured to satisfaction. If there’s consistently poor sexual performance, chances are your SO will barely remember the encounters and why blame them—there’s nothing worth remembering or holding onto.
Some people are clueless when it comes to expressing romance to their SOs close or apart, in person or on the phone or video. Sometimes, realising that a person lacks creativity is enough to make one start considering how soon they can leave the relationship.
This one is a personal matter (feel free to check) and pretty sensitive too. If you know your (male) member is not close to ‘standard’ size or length, you’re Mr. Nice guy but aren’t sure why you’re always dumped, well maybe they all hope you already know what no one is willing to say to your face.
Did you stop trying to work on your wardrobe, body tone, etiquette or other mannerisms perhaps? It’s easy to start seeing how everyone else is more attractive once you start dating someone, it helps if you consistently work on standing out and pay attention to your clothes, style, how you carry yourself and whatever else makes you attractive as a person and to your significant other.
Unfortunately, there are people who can talk dirty for an hour straight but become intimidated when topics about broader and more important issues come up—they have nothing meaningful to contribute at that point. If your SO expressed boredom or you got to that place where it seemed like there was nothing new or significant to talk about anymore then it’s no surprise the relationship ended. When you’re with someone you care about, there’s a world of topics for you to discuss, stories to tell, plans to share, stuff about your day, emotions and thoughts to explore and experience together.
No one likes being the ATM machine in the relationship. If you made them feel like your relationship was centred on them helping you out with your finances, sometimes wanting them to help your friends or family out, you thinking you can always run to them to borrow (and probably not repay in time nor at all), you wanting every nice or extra piece of their personal belongings, then chances are they got fed up. Some people get into a relationship with a Black-Friday mentality, they can’t wait to ‘shop’ (beg for) everything they come across; they will scoop up everything in their path, your clothes, souvenirs, jewelry, anything. If you were that kind of lover, are you still surprised the relationship ended?
You stopped trying after you knew they were into you. The caring and romance took a back seat. It’s possible they tried talking about your tendency to have grown comfortable and you didn’t act as you should have. The trouble with laziness is that there’s always someone else determined to put in all the effort and do whatever they can to win your SO over for keeps.
You resorted to evasiveness and other convenient excuses around issues that were of concern to them. Instead of you confronting and dealing with issues you seemed to prefer hiding, living in denial or plain running away from them. Alternatively, you needed way too much convincing and motivation to do basic relationship stuff. This wears anyone out sooner than you think and it’s not long before you’re left out in the cold.
If they felt more than once that you were sometimes or most times manipulative, lying but you played it out and made it seem like they were overreacting or imagining things, then chances are they grew tired of trying to prove they were right and left when the opportunity presented itself.
If you dread history repeating itself in your current or next relationship, then try asking questions and encouraging your SO to answer them freely (you may ask a close friend too and encourage them to be honest). Take time to reflect and self-examine, be honest with yourself and find ways to work on improving what you can.
Pay attention when your SO asks ‘by the way’ questions, responds with ‘forget I asked, it’s nothing really, was only joking’ because it’s possible they are trying to have that ‘uncomfortable conversation’ that could save your relationship but are doubtful of how you might take it. Also, pay attention to what your SO keeps commenting about during your intimate moments (sometimes before or after), and whether or not they’re bold enough to elaborate on it, make the choice to do something positive about it.
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